Got a Dream? Which of these 3 Choices will you Make?

Your desires/dreams are a clear sign of who you really are.

I used to keep telling myself I wanted to write a book, start a business, live in a warmer climate, lose 30 pounds, get fitter etc. Periodically, I did take action to work toward those goals, but like many of us, the urgency of my desires faded and they took a back seat to my life.

Which is sad.

Why?

When we keep coming back to wanting to do the same things, it reveals the fact that those goals or dreams mean something to us. It means they’re part of us in some way, or that deep down, we feel drawn to them.

Your desires/dreams are a clear sign of who you really are.

To clarify here, I’m not talking about goals we know we should go after, or that we feel we must do; uuggh!

I’m not talking about your To Do list or things like:

  • Getting finances in order
  • Organizing your paperwork
  • Learning a new skill
  • Decluttering your basement

I’m talking about goals that would deeply satisfy you, make you feel good about yourself, and lead to you having a big smile on your face when you’re 90 years old and looking back on your life.

Only you know what those dreams or goals are. If one doesn’t come to mind at the moment, ask yourself these questions:

  • What are the things that keep coming up that feel like deep desires to you?
  • What is something you’ve been talking about for years that you want to do, but you haven’t done it yet?
  • What are the things that light you up when you do them or think about doing them?
  • At the end of your life, will there be anything you regret not doing?

For me, I’ve always wanted to write a book. In the last few years, as I crept past the age of 50, it really hit me that I’ve wanted to write a book since I was a teenager. 

That means that for the last 40 years, I’ve NOT been working toward a deep desire and dream of mine. Until now.

I’ve finally achieved that dream. I’ve written a practical book to help women find more calm in their life and that will help them identify and reduce much of the stress in their life. It’s finally finished and edited. Now, I have to work at the next stage, which is getting it out into the world, so those that need it can find it! 

Writing the book/guide didn’t happen overnight, and it’s completion is based on many varied attempts along the way. However, once I realized how long I had wanted this, and once I recognized that I needed to nurture that desire so I didn’t lose me,  I was in. I can’t tell you how awesome it feels to accomplish something that’s been a burning desire for 40 years! Stay tuned. 🙂

Back to you…

What is one thing that you want to do or accomplish? What is one goal or dream that’s tied closely to your heart and soul? One thing.

Believe in yourself and your dream

So, now what can you do with that precious desire/dream of yours? Wait… let’s take it one step further before we move on.

Say your dream out loud to yourself. In the car, at home, in the washroom. Wherever.

“My dream is….”

If you can’t figure it out right now, I’d encourage you to journal or talk out your ideas with someone you trust. Dig deep and find it. It’s in there somewhere.

If you’re aware of your dream, or at least have an inkling of what your dream might be connected to (art, travel, etc.), then you’ve got 3 choices when it comes to what’s next.

  1. Do nothing and don’t go after your dream/goal.
  2. Make attempts to go after your dream/goal.
  3. Go after your dream/goal, no matter what.

Choice #1-Do nothing and don’t go after your goal/dream.

If you have a desire that you’ve already confirmed lies deep within you, burning for attention and recognition, you might still choose to NOT go after your dream.

You might feel you could never accomplish it. For whatever reason or excuse you give, you just don’t think it’s possible. Only you can really know if this is really true.

Here are some common reasons/excuses people give for not going after their dreams:

  • It’s too late.
  • I don’t have the money.
  • I don’t have enough time.
  • I’m too busy.
  • It’s just not the right time.
  • I’m not smart/expert/talented enough.
  • I don’t have enough education/credibility.
  • My spouse/family think I’m incapable of doing it or that it’s a stupid idea.
  • Nobody else gets it/understands my dream.
  • I don’t have enough support.
  • I’ve already chosen a path; I can’t add more/make a change.
  • I tried it before, and it didn’t work/failed.
  • I’m carrying issues from my past/childhood.
  • Life is fine right now.
  • I don’t deserve it.
  • I have to focus on my family.
  • I don’t know where to begin.
  • I’m too introverted/shy.
  • I doubt my ability to do it.
  • I’m afraid of failing.
  • I’m not motivated.
  • I’m too distracted.
  • I’m not ready.
  • I’m too old.
  • I’m too young.
  • I’m too tired.
  • I’m too fat.
  • I’m too sick.

There might be a genuine reason for you in that list, but before you decide to NOT go after your dream/goal, ask yourself if you’re willing to give up on your dream.

Before you choose to NOT pursue your dream. I urge you to reconsider because if you squash the burning desire inside you, you are killing a part of yourself. If you kill a part of yourself, you’re not fully living your life, and you may end up like many people who have a regret of not living a life true to themselves (#1 regret in people from the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware).

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware

One final thought. There may be a legitimate reason you do not go after your dream. Only you know if that’s the right decision for you, and you can be proud for making a decision that fits you best.

Choice #2 Make attempts to go after your goal.

If you’ve made this choice, you should pat yourself on the back.

Why?

Because it takes courage to go after what you want. Whatever your dream is, it’s likely not something easy, or you would’ve done it by now.

If you’ve decided to make attempts, that’s terrific because you’ve decided to not give up on your dream. Whether you accomplish your goal in the long run, or not, you’ll be able to look back at your life and be able to say that you made attempts.

Even working toward something and not achieving it can be satisfying and a learning experience that helps us grow as a person or that opens paths/doors we otherwise wouldn’t have noticed.

A few tips while you make your attempts at going after your dream:

  • Avoid overwhelm
  • Avoid perfectionist thinking
  • Start small
  • Work backwards
  • Make a plan
  • Work on it every day (or regularly)
  • Take baby steps
  • Nurture your dream by finding others with your dream
  • Nurture your dream by finding related books/videos to inspire you
  • Don’t give up because you don’t know how to do something; Google is your friend
  • Be resourceful and build your resilience

Choice #3: Go after your goal, no matter what!

go after your dream
image: mohamed_hassan (Pixabay)

Congratulations! I’m excited for you.

If you’ve made the decision to go after your dream, it might be because of one or more of these reasons:

  • You realize that you’ve put your dreams aside because of family or others’ opinions, and it’s time to do what’s right for you.
  • You recognize that your dream is central to who you are, and that damn it, you are worth going after your dream.
  • You’ve had a health crisis (that’s what kicked my ass in gear) or an illness/death in the family, which has made you recognize that life is short.
  • You’ve had an epiphany that you’re the only one who can make you happy.
  • You know now that it just doesn’t matter what other people think.
  • You realize you’ve lost yourself over the years, and reconnecting with the passion inside you feels amazing.
  • You crave something that is just yours.
  • You want to be happy.

Before you dive in to charging after your dream, let me warn you about a few things that could throw you off course or make you think you can’t pursue your dream after all.

Beware:

  • You will have highs and lows. One minute you’ll feel so on top of the world and that you got this!  The next minute, you’ll doubt yourself or face an obstacle; both can squash a dream if you allow it. Expect the ups and downs and ride the waves to your dream. Don’t let the challenges throw you off course.
  • Keep your dream front and center. Even if you don’t work on it every day, keep your dream alive. Find or make signs, posters, a vision board, reminders on your phone, etc. Keep a dream journal.
  • Don’t let the busyness of life or other people’s opinions push your dream to the side. Remind yourself that even if your dream seems weird or unlikely to others, it’s central to who you are, and you will choose to keep it close to your heart.

And remember…

  • You CAN do this.
  • You are strong.
  • It’s a journey/process.
  • It will take time.
  • Be gentle with yourself.
  • You are worth it.

Whether you made a decision today, or you need to take more time to explore and reflect, I hope you will not let your dream die.

I hope you will love yourself in the best way possible by lighting the spark of your dream and fanning its flames.

Be HEALTHY (Healthy Eating And Living Transforms and Heals You),

Alison Carrey

I’ll have a Cabernet, with a side of Cancer

Whether you’re sipping it slowly, or slamming it back, alcohol is a harmful drug that’s been normalized at the dinner table.

Do you need to give up your Cabernet or your Pinot Grigio for your health? 

Many women would riot in the streets with such an expectation. 

Although giving up wine or any alcohol sounds extreme, when you know the real risks and what it’s doing to you, long-term, you might decide to do just that–give it up. If not, then it’s a good idea to at least consider reducing your intake of alcohol on a weekly basis. 

I love my red wine, and I know lots of ladies (young and old) who love it too. Not just red, but white, rose and sparkling too. 

red wine, alcohol, dinner

We love it after work. We love it with dinner (on the weekends, with brunch). We love it as an evening drink. We love it as a nightcap.

If you look around, you’ll notice that wine is the go-to beverage for so many women. Whether it’s drinks with the girls, grabbing wine coolers on the way to the beach or a party, or having top notch red wine with a fine dinner, we love our wine.

Ok…it might not be love, but it’s definitely lust for many of us.

I know. The idea of something else being bad for us is just too much to take. The last thing women want to hear is that there’s something wrong with their wine. We don’t want to hear it’s bad news, or that we’d be wise to give it up or drink less of it.

Over the years, I’ve made some surprising discoveries (or realizations) about wine, well, about alcohol in general. What I now know has made me look at my wine with a different perspective and has led me to change how often I drink. 

The Wine Escape

Women are turning to wine to relieve their stress. And there’s a lot of stress out there. I’m not saying men don’t endure stress because they do, but women carry the load of society. 

stressed woman

Women who work full time are also usually the primary caregivers for children or the elderly, and they usually manage the household. Sometimes that’s by choice, and sometimes it’s related to parental role expectations due to upbringings or culture.

The end result is the same. Women are lugging around high levels of stress on a daily basis. For some of us, that stress is almost constant, like a quiet engine humming. We don’t really hear it or notice it, necessarily, but it’s quietly burning our energy and exhausting us.

I used to walk in the door after a stressful day or week of teaching, and shortly after, I’d have a glass of vino in my hand. It flowed through all my arteries and calmed me down. This was me time. That wine washed all my troubles away.

What I didn’t realize was that I was trying to manage my stress with wine. I knew it felt good, and I would even say things like, “I definitely need wine tonight!”, but I truly didn’t make the obvious connection. I didn’t see the dangers of living with such levels of stress on a daily basis. I didn’t see the dangers of drinking a couple of glasses of wine almost every night (more on the weekends) to escape my stress.

A glass of wine gives us relief from stress for a short time, but in the long run, that stress permeates our bodies and leaves us tired and with health issues. In the long run, turning to booze for some form of escape becomes a habit that also negatively affects our bodies.

A better route to manage our stress is to try to determine what’s causing the stress, and to see what can be done to prevent it or at least decrease it. Finding alternative ways to handle the stresses we encounter in our lives is a healthier solution. 

Alcohol Causes Cancer

There’s been a link between alcohol and cancer since the late 80’s, but most of us aren’t aware of the dangers. I sure wasn’t.

The World Health Organization (WHO) has labeled alcohol as a Group 1 carcinogen, which means there’s enough evidence to show that the carcinogen causes cancer. Research doesn’t show that alcohol probably causes cancer. The Group 1 classification means it does. Other Group 1 carcinogens include (but are not limited to) asbestos, tobacco and formaldehyde.

who alcohol facts

Are you going to get cancer if you have a few glasses of wine each month? Probably not. Will you get cancer if you drink ten or more glasses of wine each week? Not guaranteed, but more likely.

None of us think that our wonderful wine can really cause us any harm. After all, we’re always reading about how good wine is for us. Unfortunately, like in the food industry, financial forces are at play to keep us confused.

Alcohol in any form can cause cancer. No amount is considered safe. However, it’s the regular consumption of booze, over time, that’s the real problem. 

If you start drinking wine in your 20’s, and it becomes a regular habit in your 30’s and 40’s, you’ve been drinking wine on a regular basis for 10, 20 or more years.

I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer in January of 2020. Does this mean, for sure, that my alcohol consumption caused my cancer? No, but based on the research, it does mean that there’s a good chance that all the wine I drank increased my risk of getting cancer. 

Especially breast cancer.

The World Health Organization/Europe recently announced…

“There is no safe level of alcohol consumption. The risk of breast cancer increases with each unit of alcohol consumed per day.” 

who alcohol breast cancer

Of course, there are many other risks for breast cancer including being overweight and being sedentary…yep…I fit into those categories too. Thankfully, I’ve lost about 25-30 lbs since my diagnosis, and I started walking outside 5-7 times a week ever since. Check out last month’s update on my 1200 km walking goal for 2021.

I’m writing this post because I want women to know that we can no longer ignore the fact that alcohol can give us breast cancer

Just knowing this can help us watch our alcohol intake. Knowing this can help us find other ways to relieve our stress.

Giving up wine isn’t easy. I still drink wine, but I’ve gone for months at a time without it. I’ve realized that alcohol could contribute to my cancer returning, so I’ve made efforts to greatly reduce how much wine I drink.

My goal is to drink alcohol only on occasion or not at all. Maybe one day I can give it up completely, but for now, all I can do is my best, which is working at having it much less frequently than I used to.

Hmmm…if I haven’t been able to give up wine yet, does that mean I have a drinking problem? Does that mean I’m an alcoholic?

No, it doesn’t.

There’s a stigma attached to the idea that we need to reduce how much booze we consume. In fact, I think one of the reasons many of us don’t look at our alcohol intake is because we don’t want to even associate ourselves with the idea of having a drinking problem. 

Like many of our vices, drinking alcohol becomes a habit. If you’re used to having a glass of wine with dinner, then that’s a habit. If you always drink beer when you watch a hockey game, then that’s a habit. If you drink tequila shots every weekend in the summer, it’s a habit.

Just because you have a habit of drinking regularly doesn’t mean you are an alcoholic.

The habit of drinking alcohol is pervasive in our society. Whether you’re sipping it slowly, or slamming it back, alcohol is a harmful drug that’s been normalized at the dinner table.

alcohol at dinner

The more women start to realize the dangers of alcohol, the more we can start talking about it, and the more we can start to turn to healthier forms of distraction, relaxation and escape. 

See resources at the end of this post.

What to do?

If you want to spend less time with wine and want to increase the likelihood of a healthier future, here are some recommendations based on my take of good, better, best.

Good: The WOW Approach (Wine on Weekends)

Work towards drinking only on the weekends (Friday and Saturday nights). This means you don’t have any alcohol Monday to Thursday. If that’s too tough to start, then pick one day not to drink. Then choose two days, and build from there. 

Good: With the WOW approach, keep an eye on how much booze you’re drinking. If you drink a whole bottle of wine to yourself each weekend night, that could be excessive. As long as you’re sticking to just the weekends though, you are off to a good start. Once you’ve mastered the WOW approach, then you can look at cutting back on the number of glasses you drink each weekend night.

Better: Modify the WOW approach, so you drink on only one night on the weekend. Once you’ve conquered that, you can look at how much alcohol you consume.

30 day challenge

Better: 30 Day Challenge

This is a terrific way to see how wrapped up you are in your wine. Can you go 30 days without drinking any alcohol? If you can’t, you know you’ve got to take a close look at why you’re turning to booze, and you need to find other ways to access whatever benefit you get from drinking.

If you need to build up over time, start with a one week challenge. Then two weeks, and so on. If you make 30 days, can you go longer?

I include the challenges as a better approach because it gives you large chunks of time to see what your life is like without booze. You might be surprised to see how you don’t miss alcohol at all, and how it was really just a habit.

Once you build large periods of time without booze, you might find that you want it less. You may naturally begin to consume alcohol less frequently. I’ve gone as long as seven months without any alcohol, so it’s easier for me to drink less and not rely on wine to make me feel better.

Best: If you can give up alcohol completely, then of course, that’s ideal. This approach doesn’t mean you can never ever have a glass of wine again, but if you have a few glasses a year, that’s pretty much the same as giving it up.

Before you Go

How often, how much and why you drink is your personal journey, which is connected to how you handle the stresses in your life. I encourage you to look at those stresses to see if you can remove or reduce them in some way. If you can’t change them, discover methods, other than alcohol, to manage them.

If you decide to re-evaluate your alcohol consumption, do so with self-love.

self-love, be kind to yourself

It’s important to remember to be kind to yourself as you make any changes in your life that will produce better or future health. No one is perfect, but you can take small steps to move toward the health you desire.

Be HEALTHY (Healthy Eating And Living Transforms and Heals You),

Alison Carrey

See Resources Below

Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker

Quit Like a Woman by Holly Witaker

I listened to this book on Audible and was amazed to learn of the damage that alcohol does to the body. This blog post didn’t get into all the details of how toxic alcohol is to your body and how hard your body has to work to get rid of it. A great read for anyone interested in health or for anyone considering the idea of reducing their alcohol intake.

World Health Organization: Europe

National Cancer Institute

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Canadian Cancer Society

American Cancer Society

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